From the day Hayden first walked on the t-ball field, I knew he was destined for greatness. I mean, I could just tell from the way he hit that ball off the tee that he would one day be swinging that bat in the MLB.
Then, he started wrestling. I swear I could see the Olympic rings.
Then came football and I SWEAR I saw an NFL scout eyeballing him at his most recent game.
Ok, Ok... OBVIOUSLY some sarcasm there.
According to StatisticBrain.com (http://www.statisticbrain.com/youth-sports-statistics/) odds of a HIGH SCHOOL player making it to the NFL are 1 in 6,000. The odds of a HIGH SCHOOL baseball player making it to the MLB are 1 in 4,000. (Ooohhh, mental note: Better chance of playing in the MLB... better put all of our eggs in that basket!!!) These statistics do not even include the all of the children playing in youth sports who do not end up playing in high school. The NCAA has also released some staggering statistics on the percentages of high school and college athletes who will make it to participate on the professional level. (see- http://www.ncaa.org/wps/wcm/connect/public/NCAA/Resources/Research/Probability+of+Going+Pro)
Why do I bring this up? Reality check.
We live in a society where many adults expect their kids to succeed and be the best. Some parents expect their children to be on the All-Galactic team by the age of 8. Many times, we see parents who re-live their failed sports career vicariously through their children. We see children who are pigeon-holed into one sport by a young age so they can be the best at that sport. Remember when there was such thing as the three sport athlete? That is extremely rare now.
After some recent events where a parent of an opposing team was such a poor loser and felt the need to make passive aggressive comments via Facebook, I had to think about what the ultimate goal was in youth sports.
Here is what I came up with:
1. I want my children to learn the value of hard work. Learning to be a hard worker will take you a lot further in life than participation in any professional sport. The statistics speak for themselves.
2. I want my children to know that they are STUDENT/ Athletes. Again, by focusing on school and what they are learning, they will be successful in life. I would like to find the statistics of students receiving academic scholarships vs. athletic scholarships. I guarantee the amount of students receiving academic scholarships is much higher.
3. I want my children to learn how to win and lose graciously. In a game, there is usually one winner and one loser. I want my children to know it is ok to lose, but to use that energy to fuel their next win. I do not enjoy seeing people lose and they throw things around, get angry, etc. On the same note, when my children win, I want to see them do so graciously. I want them to behave with tact and sportsmanship. I want them to thank their coaches and teammates for the good game. I want to see them thank opposing team for the great competition.
4. I want my children to play for coaches who respect the rules of the game. Unfortunately, we have been in situation where we have seen other coaches who "push" the rules so their team can win. If my children lose, but do so playing by the rules, then they, and the coaching staff, are the true winners.
5. I want my children to play to the best of their ability. I want them to know that they may not have the newest $300 bat, the "fastest" shoes, the newest Under Armour, or the best pitching/ catching/ throwing/ whatever coach. But, I want them to use their God-given talents to the best of their ability and to use that talent to contribute to their respective teams.
I know there are times when I get caught up in the drama... wanting my kid to play on the travel baseball team, or the All-Star team, or the best football team, etc. Recently, I have been reminded that it isn't about that. It is about my children performing to the best of their ability. I need to let nasty, passive aggressive comments go in one ear and out the other. I need to spend more time thanking those who help build my children up, rather than focusing on those who tear them (and their coaches) down.
I need to run... I need to get Keegan to his Kiddy Quarterback training center. (I KID! I KID!!)
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Truth is...
Truth is... My kids aren't perfect. Are yours?
How often do you see a Facebook post where someone is bragging on their child? Example- "So proud of _______________ for getting straight A's on his/ her report card!" Is that wrong? Nope. Not at all. I do it too. I love to share the good things that my children are doing. But, I can't help but feel annoyed when I see that. All. The. Time.
What happens when you read such posts and start questioning your ability as a parent because your child doesn't get straight A's, or your kid didn't make the All-Star team, or your kid didn't get the lead in the school play?
What would happen if we saw more posts like this, "My son is a struggling reader. We can't figure out what is going on. We are starting testing at school" ??? Would you think any less of that parent? Would you think, "wow, I bet she didn't read to her child since he was in the womb"? Or, "I bet she didn't play Mozart to her belly like it said to in Parent's magazine."
Truth is... that is my kid. My oldest, Hayden, is a struggling reader.
I thought we did all the right things... We read to him when he was little. We got him evaluated when he was considered "speech delayed" (turns out he was probably just stubborn, no surprise here). We took him to all of his yearly well child visits. We went to the zoo and COSI We started him in an all day, every day preschool. We sent him to an all day, every day kindergarten. We continued to read with him at home. We did homework with him. We found programs on the computer for him to work on. But, by second grade we noticed that he just wasn't keeping up with his peers or with what was expected of him.
Through second grade and third grade, we worked with a Dr. to try to get his ADD/ ADHD medication figured out. After his 3rd grade Ohio Achievement Assessment (OAA) scores came back and there was a huge discrepancy between his math and reading scores, I realized that I needed to take action.
We got him a tutor. I emailed the school to set up a suspected disability conference. I wanted to get him tested to see if there was more going on than I thought.
Truth is... that was one of the hardest things I had to do.
From my experiences as a teacher and from dealing with Grayson, I knew that I needed to be his biggest advocate. Luckily, I knew (and had friends who knew) the ins and outs of testing and special education law. A lot of times I wonder if I weren't a teacher, would I be as adamant on getting him tested? Would I even know that there may be an issue? He passed both sections of the OAA, but the reading he literally passed by the skin of his teeth! Parents who don't know would probably be happy that their child passed. But when I know a scaled score of 400 is like a 50% (or something close to that), I knew it wasn't anything to be extremely thrilled about.
Truth is... I know it is not irony that I am going through this with Hayden. I know things like this make me a better and more understanding teacher. When I sit in IEP meetings, I know what it feels like when the mom on the other side of the table is crying because she doesn't know how to help her child. I know that the mom wonders if she did anything wrong to "make" her child like this.
So, no... my kids aren't perfect. But the truth is, they help me become a better mom, teacher and person. Through them, I have learned (or tried to learn) to be more patient with some of my own students. I have learned to be more compassionate when sitting in on IEP meetings where the parent is confused and feels alone, and they feel like they have the only child who struggles.
Where do we go from here? I'm not totally sure, but we have an appointment with the audiologist and ENT tomorrow to check his hearing. We are doing everything we can to help Hayden be the best student he can be. Does that mean straight A's? Probably not. But, will I still hold high expectations and hold him accountable? You betcha!
How often do you see a Facebook post where someone is bragging on their child? Example- "So proud of _______________ for getting straight A's on his/ her report card!" Is that wrong? Nope. Not at all. I do it too. I love to share the good things that my children are doing. But, I can't help but feel annoyed when I see that. All. The. Time.
What happens when you read such posts and start questioning your ability as a parent because your child doesn't get straight A's, or your kid didn't make the All-Star team, or your kid didn't get the lead in the school play?
What would happen if we saw more posts like this, "My son is a struggling reader. We can't figure out what is going on. We are starting testing at school" ??? Would you think any less of that parent? Would you think, "wow, I bet she didn't read to her child since he was in the womb"? Or, "I bet she didn't play Mozart to her belly like it said to in Parent's magazine."
Truth is... that is my kid. My oldest, Hayden, is a struggling reader.
I thought we did all the right things... We read to him when he was little. We got him evaluated when he was considered "speech delayed" (turns out he was probably just stubborn, no surprise here). We took him to all of his yearly well child visits. We went to the zoo and COSI We started him in an all day, every day preschool. We sent him to an all day, every day kindergarten. We continued to read with him at home. We did homework with him. We found programs on the computer for him to work on. But, by second grade we noticed that he just wasn't keeping up with his peers or with what was expected of him.
Through second grade and third grade, we worked with a Dr. to try to get his ADD/ ADHD medication figured out. After his 3rd grade Ohio Achievement Assessment (OAA) scores came back and there was a huge discrepancy between his math and reading scores, I realized that I needed to take action.
We got him a tutor. I emailed the school to set up a suspected disability conference. I wanted to get him tested to see if there was more going on than I thought.
Truth is... that was one of the hardest things I had to do.
From my experiences as a teacher and from dealing with Grayson, I knew that I needed to be his biggest advocate. Luckily, I knew (and had friends who knew) the ins and outs of testing and special education law. A lot of times I wonder if I weren't a teacher, would I be as adamant on getting him tested? Would I even know that there may be an issue? He passed both sections of the OAA, but the reading he literally passed by the skin of his teeth! Parents who don't know would probably be happy that their child passed. But when I know a scaled score of 400 is like a 50% (or something close to that), I knew it wasn't anything to be extremely thrilled about.
Truth is... I know it is not irony that I am going through this with Hayden. I know things like this make me a better and more understanding teacher. When I sit in IEP meetings, I know what it feels like when the mom on the other side of the table is crying because she doesn't know how to help her child. I know that the mom wonders if she did anything wrong to "make" her child like this.
So, no... my kids aren't perfect. But the truth is, they help me become a better mom, teacher and person. Through them, I have learned (or tried to learn) to be more patient with some of my own students. I have learned to be more compassionate when sitting in on IEP meetings where the parent is confused and feels alone, and they feel like they have the only child who struggles.
Where do we go from here? I'm not totally sure, but we have an appointment with the audiologist and ENT tomorrow to check his hearing. We are doing everything we can to help Hayden be the best student he can be. Does that mean straight A's? Probably not. But, will I still hold high expectations and hold him accountable? You betcha!
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Everyone else's highlight reel...
I came across this quote last night while going through my Facebook posts. I read it and moved on. Then it hit me, it really hit me. I found myself searching through my newsfeed to find it again. It brought tears to my eyes as I felt a sense of freedom come over me.
I have for so long compared myself, my parenting, my LIFE to others based on what I read on Facebook. Too many times, I found myself asking the following questions:
"Why can't my kid behave like her kid?"
"Why can't my house be as clean as their house?"
"Why am I not happy like her?"
"Why doesn't his kid have meltdowns like mine do?"
... and so on and so on. I would literally beat myself up over some of it. It seems my insecurity and self doubt has increased immensely since my introduction to Facebook. Why did it take me so long to realize this?
For me, Facebook can be a time to vent, a time to share funny stories a time to catch up with old friends- my highlight reel. But what I don't post is my/ our "behind-the-scenes" but I live it daily. I tend to forget that other people and other families have "behind-the-scenes" experiences as well.
I have decided that from here on out, I will no longer compare myself to others. I will not compare my children, their abilities, talents, etc to other children. I will not allow other peoples' highlight reel to determine my feelings of self-worth. It comes down to this... I do not know other peoples' behind-the-scenes circumstances and they do not know mine. It is NONE of my business what other people do, how they raise their children and so on. My job, first and foremost is to make sure I am raising my boys to the best of my ability... the rest will then fall into place.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Another challenging Mom moment...
Seems like Mondays are the hardest and today was no different. Things just didn't seem to go the way I wanted them to go. Then, I was put in a position in which I never imagined I would find myself...
Upon arriving home from school, I noticed Grayson's behavior chart for the day only had one sticker on it. On further review, I noticed a lot of comments like, "out of seat" "talking/ off task" and "had to return to seat due to not cooperating." Sigh... I took one look at the handwriting and knew that it wasn't his teacher's. I asked if he had a sub today and he informed me that he had. Unfortunately, he doesn't do well when things are out of the norm. Then, I heard something I never imagined I would.
Grayson- "Mommy, Big Boy (name changed... will be known as BB from here on) came over to me and told me to 'shut- up' then, he picked me up, slammed me on the floor and punched me. He punched me in my heart."
I felt like someone punched me in my heart.
So many emotions went through my mind. I was mad. Mad at that little boy for putting his hands on my child. I was sad. Sad that someone felt the need to physically hurt my child. I was confused. I just wanted to know everything that happened. Disappointed. Distraught. Helpless...
I wanted to get to the bottom of what happened. I asked him interrogating questions to find out WHY this child did this. Maybe Grayson wasn't innocent. But, he swears he didn't put his hands on that little boy. I know that Grayson and BB have had some problems this year. But Grayson truly didn't know what provoked that kid to hit him. In his perspective, he didn't do anything wrong. (Please note I used the phrase, "in his perspective" because we all have different perspectives on things and your perspective becomes your "truth.")
As a mom, I want to do everything I can to protect my children. I want to teach them to make good choices and do what is right. I want them to be able to stand up for themselves, but not have to resort to physical violence. I want them to go to school and not be fearful of their classmates/ peers. I never want them to feel the pain of being picked on... like I did.
You see, I have struggled with my weight my entire life. As a child, I remember kids making fun of me. I remember sitting in my 4th grade classroom and I turned around to see boy who was sitting behind me was holding up a sign that said, "whale." Maybe that is why I am so protective of Grayson. Not that he is overweight (actually, he has quite the opposite problem... we can't get him to GAIN weight), but because he is "different." He responds to situations differently. When things are out of the normal routine, he doesn't respond like most children may. I have a gut feeling that the other little boy may have just been getting tired of Grayson's incessant talking and movement. Because I'll admit, there are times when it is challenging for me.
Tonight as I put him to bed, I started to think about the people who lost their lives today in the Boston Marathon bombing. Someone lost their baby today, due to a horrific act. It helped to give me perspective. I still have my baby here to squeeze. I still have time to teach him how to respond to situations like today. I still have the incessant talking, wiggling, jumping, running, playing and laughing... and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Upon arriving home from school, I noticed Grayson's behavior chart for the day only had one sticker on it. On further review, I noticed a lot of comments like, "out of seat" "talking/ off task" and "had to return to seat due to not cooperating." Sigh... I took one look at the handwriting and knew that it wasn't his teacher's. I asked if he had a sub today and he informed me that he had. Unfortunately, he doesn't do well when things are out of the norm. Then, I heard something I never imagined I would.
Grayson- "Mommy, Big Boy (name changed... will be known as BB from here on) came over to me and told me to 'shut- up' then, he picked me up, slammed me on the floor and punched me. He punched me in my heart."
I felt like someone punched me in my heart.
So many emotions went through my mind. I was mad. Mad at that little boy for putting his hands on my child. I was sad. Sad that someone felt the need to physically hurt my child. I was confused. I just wanted to know everything that happened. Disappointed. Distraught. Helpless...
I wanted to get to the bottom of what happened. I asked him interrogating questions to find out WHY this child did this. Maybe Grayson wasn't innocent. But, he swears he didn't put his hands on that little boy. I know that Grayson and BB have had some problems this year. But Grayson truly didn't know what provoked that kid to hit him. In his perspective, he didn't do anything wrong. (Please note I used the phrase, "in his perspective" because we all have different perspectives on things and your perspective becomes your "truth.")
As a mom, I want to do everything I can to protect my children. I want to teach them to make good choices and do what is right. I want them to be able to stand up for themselves, but not have to resort to physical violence. I want them to go to school and not be fearful of their classmates/ peers. I never want them to feel the pain of being picked on... like I did.
You see, I have struggled with my weight my entire life. As a child, I remember kids making fun of me. I remember sitting in my 4th grade classroom and I turned around to see boy who was sitting behind me was holding up a sign that said, "whale." Maybe that is why I am so protective of Grayson. Not that he is overweight (actually, he has quite the opposite problem... we can't get him to GAIN weight), but because he is "different." He responds to situations differently. When things are out of the normal routine, he doesn't respond like most children may. I have a gut feeling that the other little boy may have just been getting tired of Grayson's incessant talking and movement. Because I'll admit, there are times when it is challenging for me.
Tonight as I put him to bed, I started to think about the people who lost their lives today in the Boston Marathon bombing. Someone lost their baby today, due to a horrific act. It helped to give me perspective. I still have my baby here to squeeze. I still have time to teach him how to respond to situations like today. I still have the incessant talking, wiggling, jumping, running, playing and laughing... and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
What if...?
Have you ever listened to the song by Garth Brooks called "Unanswered Prayers"? I mean, really listened? Tonight, I was rocking Keegan to sleep (yes, he is almost 2 and still loves to be rocked to sleep and I love taking time out to just sit and rock with him) and that song was stuck in my head. It got me thinking.... what if? What if God would have answered one of those prayers of mine long ago? What if he would have thought, "Ok, Jenn... I'll give you this one"? What would my life look like today? What would my life be missing if He would have answered one of those prayers? Something deep inside of me tells me that those prayers were probably never an option, but I still wonder about it. Even though there have been struggles, I know Tom and I have been abundantly blessed. Today has been on of those days where I thank God for all of those Unanswered Prayers.
Around this time of year, when all of my kids are celebrating their birthdays (Grayson- Feb, Hayden- March and Keegan- April) I always get really nostalgic thinking about the day they were born and how their little lives changed my life so quickly. It is still quite easy to see how they change my life everyday.
Hayden was the trailblazer... he was lucky enough to "teach" us how to be parents. He'll probably need years of therapy! We thought we had it all figured out by the time Grayson came along, only to find out that kids aren't the same. By the time Keegan came along, we really thought we had it all together!
These boys of mine are certainly a source of entertainment. Just read my Facebook and you will see all of the entertaining things they say and do. They are a source of pride. They have made me so proud with their grades, sports and many other accomplishments. They have also been a source of instruction. It has always been said that children should come with instruction manuals. It shouldn't be a "one size fits all" instruction manual. There should be one instruction manual written per child.
Would I give all this up to be living somewhere else? Or to be married to that other guy? Or to be working in a different profession? Nope. Absolutely not.
"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"
Around this time of year, when all of my kids are celebrating their birthdays (Grayson- Feb, Hayden- March and Keegan- April) I always get really nostalgic thinking about the day they were born and how their little lives changed my life so quickly. It is still quite easy to see how they change my life everyday.
Hayden was the trailblazer... he was lucky enough to "teach" us how to be parents. He'll probably need years of therapy! We thought we had it all figured out by the time Grayson came along, only to find out that kids aren't the same. By the time Keegan came along, we really thought we had it all together!
These boys of mine are certainly a source of entertainment. Just read my Facebook and you will see all of the entertaining things they say and do. They are a source of pride. They have made me so proud with their grades, sports and many other accomplishments. They have also been a source of instruction. It has always been said that children should come with instruction manuals. It shouldn't be a "one size fits all" instruction manual. There should be one instruction manual written per child.
Would I give all this up to be living somewhere else? Or to be married to that other guy? Or to be working in a different profession? Nope. Absolutely not.
"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"
-Garth Brooks, Unanswered Prayers.
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